Jasmine Hart

Hi BondGirl, I really like "So smile for the camera." I don't think the rhyme does anything for you here so I'd scrap it. It felt a little preachy to ...

Hi, I think this is a really fresh topic and this flows nicely. I'd get rid of clichéd lines like "in the depths of the ocean", "in a different light" ...

Hi Esther, Haha, this was very funny and I really enjoyed it, especially; "kick butt nicely too" and "She's perfect, you think, so why do they hate?" The last three ...

Hi Thane, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I like your subject matter here, and the contrast between war and the beach is great. I'd break it ...

Hi yuriiko, I really loved the twist in the second stanza.I'd cut "A money worth to give" because it's a bit jerky and you don't need it and change "All ...

Hi, This flows nicely and you have a good sense of rhythm. I'd run a spell check to catch little slips like "dieing" which should be "dying". I think that ...

Hi, This is an interesting piece. I really like the first line and the last four. I think that for the type of piece this is you should really be ...

Hi, This was an interesting piece and progressed nicely. I especially like the first line. I'd just make a few minor changes; I'd add punctuation, but that's a personal taste ...

Hi, This flows nicely. I like the description in the first five lines. It's lovely and vivid. After that I think this gets a bit too abstract. Rather than using ...

Hi, I really enjoyed the idea behind this. When I clicked on it I expected it to be detailing a catastrophe so I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure about ...

Hi, You handle the form really well. It flows nicely and I like how you kept the same rhyming pattern all the way through. I'm not sure your choice of ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. I love the opening; it was very fresh. The whole piece flows beautifully. I love;"Thick mud creeps between my toes". It's a great image. I ...

Hi, I like your use of couplets here, and this is written in a compelling style. I like "A dream with branches less whole than rot", and stanza two. I ...

Hi, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I really love "with sea legs" and I think the last two lines are very effective. The way in which ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I think this is a powerful piece and I love your contrasting images. I especially love; "Underneath those pretty nails, ...